Often without realizing it, we are experiencing our own self-talk literally all day long. The way you talk to yourself can influence your confidence, decision-making, and emotional wellbeing, among other things. For this reason, in today’s post we are going to delve into what self-talk is, how and why it matters, plus how to make it work FOR you instead of against you.
Self-talk is the internal dialogue that runs through your mind. Much of it is on autopilot, meaning it’s just a repeat of what we have said to ourselves before, either consciously or unconsciously. Our thoughts are usually more automatic than we realize. And perhaps the greatest battle you will ever wage is the one within your own mind.
There are several mechanisms by which self-talk can operate. Here are a few of the main ones:
I cannot overemphasize the importance of self-talk. It may sound silly or irrelevant, and that’s what society teaches us more or less. But the truth is that how you speak to and regard yourself has a direct effect on your mental health, not to mention your entire life. These are the specific reasons self-talk matters:
There are a plethora of ways you could divide up self-talk. Most of it is mixed rather than belonging to a black and white category. But in broad strokes, here are four useful ways to classify self-talk.
This type is supportive, encouraging, and growth-focused. The benefits of positive thoughts include helping to build confidence and resilience by reinforcing what is possible rather than what is lacking. When you speak to yourself with encouragement and forgiveness, you are practicing self-love and self-compassion. Doing so has a wonderful therapeutic effect on your self-worth and outlook on life.
These are negative thoughts that are critical, discouraging, and often automatic. They tend to make stressful situations worse. The focus is on flaws, worst-case scenarios, or past mistakes, which can lower confidence and increase stress. Over time, destructive or catastrophizing self-talk can greatly hinder your sense of self, relationships, and career life. For this reason, this type is sometimes referred to as the inner critic or inner saboteur. To get support around OCD and obsessive thinking, read this blog here.
This type is practical and task-focused, often used to guide actions step by step. It removes emotion and helps improve focus and performance. You may use this sort of self-talk during sports or while studying, taking a test, or doing activities like arts and crafts.
This involves analyzing past actions or decisions to learn and improve. It can be positive or negative, good or bad, depending on tone, but when used correctly, it supports growth. An example is: “What could I do differently next time?” When the inquiry is constructive rather than critical, it has immense value.
For more specifics on ways to love yourself, read this blog here.
Healthy self-talk, generally speaking, comes in the form of positive thoughts or affirmations. Affirmations are a slightly different but related concept. Of course, there needs to be a balance between self-aggrandizing and accountability. But overall, ideally you are speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion. The same way you would support your best friend. After all, you are the main character and only constant in your life!
Here are my suggestions on the best ways to speak to yourself in relation to various aspects of life. I’ve written blogs essentially covering self-talk in several areas, and they are a perfect next step to support success and healing:
Thanks so much for joining me today and best wishes on your journey!
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