Forgiving the self is often harder than forgiving others. There are many possible reasons for this, but it’s not an uncommon phenomenon. Being highly empathic or sensitive tends to increase this struggle to let yourself off the hook, ironically while OVER-excusing others’ behavior. Read more about the plight (and ultimate triumph) of being an empath in my blogs here and here (and access the whole category here).
But in this post, we will go over why self-forgiveness is so important and how to do it, plus I will share a roundup of affirmations to support you in forgiving yourself successfully.
Being human means being imperfect. Yet we can get easily caught up in guilt, regret, or shame. Often this is happening unconsciously, which makes it of course all the more tricky to heal. What I mean is that you are not fully aware of how unforgiveness is impacting your mental health and confidence over time. One of the most insidious ways this occurs is through negative self-talk. When you criticize yourself constantly (or even a little bit), it reinforces shame loops and can keep you stuck. For more on how to stop ruminating thoughts, read this blog here.
Using affirmations, or even simply becoming more aware of how you regard and perceive yourself, can improve emotional resilience and self-trust in the long run. You are taking a step toward rewiring your internal dialogue and interrupting destructive thinking. This works because the brain learns through repetition and emotional language. On the neuroscience side of things, you are literally creating new neural pathways. Intentional affirmations can thus reshape your identity and make forgiveness possible.
Think of how you learned to ride a bike or do the multiplication tables. You practiced or recited them over and over and over. In time, they became familiar and part of your knowledge repertoire. This is also the same reason why repeating affirmations can help you. Creating a healthier mindset is indeed possible via forgiveness-related affirmations.
There are many aspects to self-forgiveness. One definition is a conscious decision to release resentment toward oneself. It means acknowledging harm while choosing growth. Healthy guilt can promote change and accountability, while toxic shame prevents healing.
We tend to be our harshest critics. Think about how you treat yourself and how you treat your best friend. If they mess up or are struggling, you likely extend them compassion and grace. But you yourself deserve this too, yet we may inadvertently withhold it.
An additional, key piece here is that self-forgiveness applies even if you haven’t hurt others. As I touched on above, if you are sensitive or a survivor, self-forgiveness is relevant and needed. Even if you did nothing wrong, blaming the self is a heartbreakingly frequent aftereffect to abuse or mistreatment. Because you have a pronounced ability to empathize with others, you may excuse or rationalize bad behavior. You may also have unconsciously taken on the guilt that should be shouldered by a toxic person. This is even more likely if it occurred in childhood.
Here are five reasons you should consider self-forgiveness. Like I said, they are worth investigating even if you don’t think this applies to you. You may just find some worthwhile nuggets that resonate with your journey.
It may feel hard to forgive yourself for the following reasons:
Below is a framework to support your self-forgiveness work. This flows best if you are in a situation where you wish you had acted or thought differently. Otherwise, you can apply it more symbolically or conceptually.
Either with the person in question or within yourself, acknowledge what occurred. Without minimizing or exaggerating, clearly define the scenario or emotion.
Take ownership of your part in it. There is a difference between accountability and taking responsibility for your side of the street, and self-condemnation. Excessive punishment of any kind, whether it be verbal, emotional, energetic, is not needed or healthy. You (or the other person/group) likely did the best you could at the time (when not outright abuse). Each party ideally owns their actions and words.
What lesson or growth could come from this? Did anyone learn anything? It could be about communication or conflict resolution in general, or about that relationship in particular. Maybe there were learnings about the personality, preferences, or boundaries of people involved. Any and all insights are valuable.
Choose some affirmations from my list below (or others) that speak to you. Start using them consistently in the way that feels right (further tips on this in a later section).
You are probably already committed to growth if you are reading this blog. You can also speak this commitment to relevant people, or simply focus on it in your mind and heart. Set an intention to forgive yourself while also changing any actions that need it. This process restores self-trust as well as trust with others.
Use the following 55 affirmations to support your ability to forgive yourself and move forward with balance.
Here are some actionable tips for integrating affirmations into your life:
In conclusion, positive affirmations are a great way to improve your mental health and ability to forgive. If they interest you, definitely give them a try. Play around with speaking and thinking more lovingly toward yourself, and you may be surprised at the results. Maya Angelou once said, “don’t bring negative to my door,” and we can apply that to our own internal world.
A final tip is to keep going. Many people start (as with new year’s resolutions) and then give up. It may take a while to see or feel progress, especially if you have lived in non-forgiveness or negativity for years. This is very common, so persevere. Congratulations on making a change! Feel free to reach out to me for further support.
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