Mar 21

The Fine Line Between Self-Improvement & Always Having To Fix Yourself

The fine line between self-improvement and always having to fix yourself blog by Erin S Moore, Centered One
Categories: My Blog, Your Personal Energy

Have you been on a healing journey or spiritual awakening for a while now? Or maybe it hasn’t been that long that you’ve been doing self-improvement work, but something is starting to feel off. Maybe you feel exhausted or empty and are wondering why. 

Keep reading to learn how to stay in your power while engaging in “inner work.” This blog will help you understand the fine line between self-improvement and always feeling the need to fix yourself. The healing and “ascending” cycle can become a trap, and I’ve seen this firsthand in my own life as well as in clients and colleagues over the years.

How Do I Stay Balanced During Self-Improvement?

There are ways to do self work and not get stuck in the trap. But it can be tricky, and varies by person and situation. Self-awareness is key, so that you notice and witness what is happening. And at other times, you need someone else to support you and provide an objective or compassionate perspective.

Here are five tips to keep in mind throughout a process of self-improvement, healing, or spiritual growth.

1. Nothing is wrong with you

This is the bottom line. Nothing you’ve done or experienced makes you bad, wrong, unfixable, or unworthy. But trauma and stress can birth these false beliefs in us. They then fuel the self-improvement cycle where we’re constantly striving or fixing. 

In the alternative healing space of “lightworkers” and “starseeds,” the promise of ascension and moving into 5D consciousness is dangled as the reward. Whether these concepts are actually true is not provable at this time. And the predicted timetables and goalposts for such events keep being moved. Do your best to detach from these ideas for now. 

The law of attraction movement is another aspect of self-improvement that can come up and trigger this “what’s wrong with me?” fear. The hidden message is that if you can’t “manifest” what you desire successfully, it’s your fault. Your vibration isn’t high enough. Again, try not to get sucked into this idea.

2. Do not give your power away

I believe this lesson is one of the biggest for all humans, but especially if you’re an empath or truth seeker. 

Thinking someone else has the answers you need or more power than you can get very sticky. The truth is MANY (more than I wish was the case) coaches and practitioners are just as clueless as you perceive yourself to be. The difference is, they have the confidence – or inflated, false confidence – to convince people otherwise. 

Another cold, hard truth is that a lot of the information that psychics, mediums, and channelers bring through is wrong or doesn’t happen. We often get hooked in because some of what is shared is accurate. Additionally, tapping into the spirit realm opens the practitioner (and you, getting the reading) to unknown entities. We hope and intend that they are of the light, and pure, but again, there is no guarantee. And some “witches” even intentionally connect with beings that are NOT purely good. That’s a story for another day!

3. Be mindful of never ending self work

Self-improvement can become addictive. Frankly, almost anything can, even “healthy” behaviors. Some people are addicted to dieting, or plant-based eating, or yoga, or even home organization (which can become OCD!).

There are some things that truly do need to be addressed, in my opinion. We all have trauma as humans, both of the small variety and the bigger, life-altering variety. It’s usually 100% worthwhile to go to therapy or counseling to process the feelings and aftereffects, like false beliefs that were created. 

But the fine line between receiving needed support and then moving forward, versus getting caught in a never ending spiral of fixing, is real. Take a step back and reflect on this for yourself.

4. Don’t fall for pushy sales

There is a serious epidemic of hypocrisy and manipulation among coaches and healers right now. So many act or speak out of alignment with what they teach, preach, or claim. And many use shady sales tactics and overt or covert pressure to get people to sign up or pay or agree. This phenomenon has exploded in recent years, and I find it extremely troubling. 

I suggest STRONG boundaries and a healthy skepticism when it comes to any sort of healing practitioner. This can of course apply to any industry, but there’s a certain shade of toxicity when it appears in the self-improvement space. There’s also a level of vulnerability in the client seeking healing that makes it all the more insidious and damaging.

Many coaches and healers also utilize victim blaming, shaming, and deflection when called out on their behavior. I’ve experienced this many times personally, and I’ve heard countless stories from clients and friends as well. Unfortunately, a lot of coaches and influencers are in fact covert narcissists – or at the very least, not qualified. They’re capitalizing on people’s trust and insecurity.

5. Pray or ask for help

Sometimes hitting rock bottom is what allows for the breakthrough. As humans, we tend to resist change. Surrender often doesn’t happen until life, or a traumatic event, forces a humbling process.

A common example is with alcohol. Many people who’ve had a dependence on alcohol share how they didn’t quit or cut back until sh** really hit the fan and they called out for help. This call can be literal, like to a friend, family member, or counselor; or it can be spiritual, in the form of prayer. 

I have a recent story of my own related to this, that I will share once I’ve processed it more fully. But prayer is real, and I say that as a former skeptic. We’re not meant to handle everything on our own. There’s no shame, and in fact, great power, in asking for help.

There’s Nothing to Fix

Self-improvement work can be very worthwhile and healing. But there’s a fine line between a perpetual obsession with fixing yourself. If you’re always looking at or for perceived deficits, you are not actually improving yourself! What you’re doing is focusing on an identity of brokenness and cultivating that vibration and belief. 

This pattern can become a self-fulfilling prophecy of “not good enough.” Feeling not good enough is exactly the trigger for many of us to start a healing journey in the first place. The other one is trauma, as I discussed above. But at the core, even with extensive trauma, nothing is wrong with you and you do not have to “fix” anything. Really getting this at a deep level is what breaks the cycle.

If you could use some support navigating the fine line of self-improvement and fixing, please contact me at Big hug to you!

© Copyright Centered One by Erin, All rights reserved.

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

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Meet Erin Moore...

Hi there and a warm welcome! I’m Erin, and I’m a grief recovery specialist and writer. I combine my degrees in psychology and health communication with my razor-sharp intuition and certifications as a grief specialist, holistic health coach, and end of life doula.
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