In some ways, being sensitive is truly a gift. The world needs more empathy and respect all around, especially right now in our divided state. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) myself so I deeply understand, plus I’ve worked with many empath clients as a grief recovery specialist, health coach, and end of life doula. Our journey is often one of learning and unlearning – including how to forgive self and others and have healthy boundaries. I always encourage empathic people to love themselves first. For guidance on how to protect your energy and honor it as a sensitive person, read this blog here. You can also stay tuned for my ebook! Coming soon, and it’s full of more in depth tips and tricks about thriving as an empath. My blog and ebook readers also have the option of empath coaching with me, feel free to email me at [email protected] for more details.
That being said, too much sensitivity can have consequences at times. It can negatively affect your mental health or physical health. Your caring heart and generous nature are beautiful, and this fact does not nullify that. But life can be harsh, and there is value in knowing how to turn down the sensitivity a notch. Read on for a guide on how to be less sensitive.
Before we get into specific tips, we’ll address what highly sensitive people actually experience. That is the foundation for understanding how to decrease emotional sensitivity even just a little bit. You can maintain your emotional intelligence while also managing your emotional responses and not feeling hurt so often by potential criticism or rejection or differences.
Highly sensitive person or “empath” refers to a small percentage of the population (estimated between 1 and 20 percent) who feel a whole heck of a lot more than the average person. They have attuned or intense emotions, intuition, energy fields, and/or physical bodies. They become drained by overwhelming emotions and can sometimes sense the emotions of others as well as unseen energies.
The trait of high sensitivity can be both a blessing and a curse. This ability to offer love and acceptance, often unconditionally, is unmatched. Knowing a sensitive person offers unique gifts, more of which I explain here.
At the same time, the reality is that the world has negative people and situations, judgment, and trauma. Living as a sensitive person can be shocking in part due to the discovery that most other people don’t share this level of empathy. Thus, adjusting and turning down the sensitivity becomes not just useful but a necessity at times. It can mean the difference between feeling good and feeling debilitated, and is a practice in personal growth.
As a side note, I’m all for self-love and self-acceptance as I touched on above. That’s been the majority of my own work, and with clients. But this other side of the coin deserves attention as well.
Here are some potential causes of high sensitivity:
As I mentioned, sensitivity isn’t all bad by any means. There are always positives and negatives with traits like these. But for our purposes, we are focusing on how high sensitivity can be problematic or challenging. Here are the two main reasons from my perspective, then we’ll cover how to be less sensitive.
It’s no fun to constantly be triggered. And there are opportunities at literally every turn. If you’re sensitive, you may pick up on emotions, nuances, conflicts, traumas, or energies. Feeling all of that usually leads to reactions, whether you like it or not, whether subtle or dramatic. Anxiety in empaths is often the buildup of others’ “stuff.”
Emotional triggers occur when something happening in the present reminds us or unconsciously brings up something from the past (usually of the traumatic or upsetting variety).
As a sensitive person, you may have a hyperfocus on other people and the dynamics playing out. Because you sense so much, you might assume others do too, and therefore that their actions, words, or lack thereof are in fact about you. Not so!
This is perhaps the biggest lesson for empaths: other people often don’t notice, care, or think the way you do. That may sound awful, but there is a plus side. You can let go of analyzing so much. If you’re worried about something, you can almost guarantee the other people in question are not as preoccupied. And this is a permission slip to let it go – or at least let go of some of the distress. Let yourself and others off the hook. For more information if you’re asking a question like “am I too sensitive or are they mean?”, read this blog here.
Here are six ways you can start to overcome sensitivity that is adversely affecting your life. Take the positive aspects and leave the rest, when possible. Your sensitivity is probably an innate trait to some extent, so be compassionate to yourself in this process of inventory. Managing your sensitivity is indeed possible.
Most of what other people do is not about you. That’s the truth. We of course tend to personalize everything. Practice de-personalizing, and stop jumping to conclusions. Avoiding social situations may not feel as necessary as you integrate this. You may be surprised how easy it is to let yourself and others off the hook of constant “meaning making” of actions and words.
Part of the challenge with high sensitivity is the somatic, or body-based, reaction, also called emotional dysregulation. Calming your system down physically through breathwork can be greatly helpful. Breathing and practicing mindfulness may help you control your emotions or emotional responses and teach you emotional regulation.
One effective psychological tool is cognitive reframing, or learning to witness your own thoughts and feelings. Eventually, you can start to challenge negative thoughts or replace them with more productive or positive ideas. This should help you be in the present moment more easily and not feel the need to avoid situations.
This step is about noticing or allowing your feelings of sensitivity, and still acting. Feel the fear and do it anyway is a saying for good reason. You can let your sensations, intuitions, or even triggering be there, and yet set it aside. Be compassionate toward yourself while also reminding yourself that sensitivity does not need to dictate your life or actions.
Boundaries are emotional lines or standards that allow you to maintain your identity and self-respect while in a relationship. They distinguish where one person ends and the other begins, and enable trust and balance within the connection (as well as decrease sensitivity because you are empowering yourself). I usually teach boundary setting in three steps: identify your needs; communicate them; then hold firm (the hardest part!). For more details, read this blog here.
Higher attunement to sensory input (like lights, noise, arguments, crowds) is a big part of being sensitive. So, a simple yet at times difficult way to address that is reducing it. Take breaks, alone time, rest, nap, meditate, whenever you need. We tend to underestimate how much of this is required to feel our best. Practice saying no (boundaries) to things you don’t want to do, and allow for quiet time if you’re feeling tired or overstimulated.
We spend about one-third of our life at work. General stress is common for everyone, and HSPs can be even more vulnerable. Things like busy, loud meetings or open floor plans can be extremely triggering, not to mention taking feedback and criticism, or even bullying! Workplaces are full of all kinds of personalities, and outspoken, narcissistic people sometimes seem to have an advantage. However, sensitive employees bring special gifts that employers should value highly.
The main suggestion I have for you is to learn to recognize your triggers (like the ones I just mentioned). This allows you to prepare yourself emotionally and physically. Is it a certain coworker, a particular project, or even a physical location like a conference room? You can avoid or minimize your exposure when possible. Otherwise, pull out your tools (my recommended tools are above in this post). Perhaps the best one is mindfulness. Practice taking deep breaths and staying present if you start to feel nervous or upset. Remind yourself that conflict or criticism is how we learn, and does not reflect on your character or professional abilities. Then, be assertive yet kind in your communications. Finally, refrain from comparing yourself to your non-HSP coworkers. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.
In addition to all the tips I have covered in this post already, which you can directly apply to romantic relationships, I have several more detailed blogs for you on this topic. Check out this one for information about how empath relationships are different, this one for more about sensitive people in relationships, and this one for how low energy affects connections.
Overall, work on managing emotional overwhelm and intensity. When you learn to better manage your reactions, there will be less stress and burden on the relationship. The answer isn’t suppressing your feelings or needs, but working through them in a healthy way (such as through exercise, journaling, therapy, or mindfulness). Then, you can show up with your partner in a more balanced, open state.
Every person and situation is unique, but I understand that setting expectations can ease anxiety. Nervous system work and boundary work can take months, especially if you’ve been entrenched in these patterns for decades. Go easy on yourself, and don’t give up. You are very courageous! Many people aren’t even open to change and growth. A sincere willingness means you will succeed.
There is no shame in seeking professional help. It’s a sign of strength in my book. If you are struggling, please do reach out to a therapist or other licensed mental health worker. That’s what they are there for, and they can support you further on this journey.
The holy grail of being sensitive is finding a balance between accepting yourself, while also navigating the world with courage. I hope you’ve gained something from this blog on how to begin to do so. Exercise self acceptance, and then set boundaries by seeking supportive tools and people. And please do share your questions and comments in the section below. We can learn the most from each other. Thank you for joining me today and you got this!
Wondering why you cry when you get mad? Read this post to understand angry tears in empaths.
You might also like: Sensitive People In Relationships
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