Welcome, empath community! Today we are going to explore how empaths in relationships, and sensitive people in general (really any human, at times), behave when their energy is low. For sensitive souls, or anyone in today’s crazy world, energy levels can fluctuate a lot.
When you are in a relationship of any kind with an empath, but especially close ones, both people are affected by this. Read on for some things to expect when your empath partner or loved one’s energy is low.
You are probably already quite familiar with what an empath or highly sensitive person (HSP) is. If not, it refers to an estimated 20 percent of the population. Introvert, giver, natural helper, and kind-hearted are other descriptions.
Empaths have extra attuned intuition, emotions, energy fields, and physical bodies. They become drained or overwhelmed easily and may absorb other people’s emotions or unseen energies. For detailed guidance on protecting empath energy, read my blog on that here.
Being in a relationship with an empath – romantic or otherwise – is different than with someone less sensitive. To learn about 8 specific ways it is unique, read this blog about loving an empath (a part 1 of sorts to this blog).
We are referring to any empath or sensitive person in this post, but you might also be interested in the different types. Here’s some more information about the most common types of empaths and how their energy can drain.
A physical empath can literally feel symptoms in their body that are not theirs. For example, they may feel someone else’s headache, anxiety, or a sensation related to a future or past event. If they also have psychic or medium abilities, they may see where symptoms reside in a person’s body, or what happened to a soul who passed. Physical empaths tend to become drained via exhaustion, fatigue, dizziness, or aches and pains (as you might suspect).
An emotional empath is the classic empath. They have an increased ability to feel emotional energy – both their own and others.’ They may sense the repressed or unacknowledged emotions of people around them, sometimes even in quick passing (like at the grocery store). This can therefore be quite draining emotionally, and lead to burnout, numbness, or drastic mood shifts.
Intuitive empaths are often psychic, or simply able to pick up on unseen energies and information. They may suddenly, inexplicably “know” things via downloads or connecting energetically (also called claircognizance). They can tell when someone is lying, has good intentions, or is disingenuous. Their flavor of energy drain may come via overwhelm or dissociation, meaning partially leaving the body energetically.
A natural next question after the basics is, how exactly do empaths in relationships behave when they feel low or drained? Usually, the other person will likely notice and be affected too. Here are 8 big signs.
I wrote previously about a common dichotomy in empaths: craving connection, yet fearing it. Because empaths tend to feel EVERYTHING, they may be uneasy about the possibility of engulfment. This means being overtaken or consumed by another person’s energy, moods, emotions, demands, or patterns. Sometimes empaths take it all on without realizing, which can cause panic, irritability, depression, anxiety, or unpredictable reactions.
This fear of intimacy may show up through a display of any of these emotions, or via emotional withdrawal. Offer to talk, but also respect their space if they need some alone time.
Setting boundaries is a huge life lesson, especially for empaths. They refer to limits you set, and discernment about what is yours or your responsibility, and what is not yours.
But when an empath’s energy is low, it becomes harder to be aware and maintain healthy boundaries. This can show up in one of two main ways: either over-giving, forgetting self, and prioritizing the other person to their own detriment; OR under-giving, such as being rude or stingy, blaming, or stonewalling (refusing to communicate).
Ask how you can be supportive, and then give them some time and space to come back into balance. Be understanding. You’ll both come back refreshed later.
Being sensitive simply means more disturbances, unfortunately. In dynamics with other people, empaths pick up on more than usual. They can even sometimes sense emotions in others that are not yet recognized (and maybe never will be).
This higher likelihood of triggering becomes exacerbated with low energy. Because empaths are essentially sponges, their sensitive system can get overloaded easily. Triggers that drain your energy may include arguments, loud environments, crowded places, and lack of sleep. Extra irritability may ensue, and be taken out on you. Once they can rest or have alone time to recalibrate and release what they took on, an apology will likely come. Express to them how it has impacted you so they can hopefully manage it better next time.
Reactivity may also be related to past trauma. If an empath (or anyone) has experienced loss, neglect, abuse, or other struggles, their mental and physical health may be greatly affected. And some things, like childhood divorce trauma for example, can trigger certain relationship patterns or dynamics. Therapy, journaling, somatic or body-focused work, and other methods can help a lot.
The autopilot setting for many empathic people is to give, give, give. And being drained or exhausted may kick this up a notch, or lead to it running out of control. Giving benefits others, but if you notice an imbalance in yourself or a loved one, take note. Ideally, we pour into ourselves enough through self-care that we recharge and have something to give. And also, the other person should be giving back a bit. Giving without receiving indicates an unhealthy dynamic. Plus, it will lead to low energy very quickly.
A huge life lesson for kind souls is learning to slow down and have discernment. One aspect of discerning is between intuition and anxiety. They may feel similar, in the same way that fear and excitement can. In the body, the energetic or emotional movement is happening, and the way it is labeled by the mind affects perception.
The confusion can go either way, so the empath may confuse intuition for anxiety, or anxiety for intuition. Having low energy can increase this phenomenon.
Conflict can take a lot of energy for even the heartiest person. But sensitive people tend to become triggered or upset more quickly. So if their energy is low, they may opt out completely. In other words, avoiding conflict protects their energy in that moment. They may minimize, ignore, or leave the situation or topic. When their energy is replenished or they’ve had a break, they should have the capacity to revisit if necessary.
Merging and enmeshment are one of the biggest risks as a sensitive person. Feeling everyone’s “stuff” means their sense of identity or self can soften or disappear for a while. They may get so caught up in someone else’s experience or emotions that things get murky.
Withdrawal is actually often a healthy response for empaths. But if it’s sudden or done without warning or communication, the relationship may suffer. The best case scenario is that they ask for space or express their need for alone time. Thoughtful discussion later is ideal.
Empaths in relationships with other empaths can definitely work. But some extra communication or agreed upon guardrails can go far in ensuring success. If both people are drained or feeling low at the same time, a “time out” is often the best antidote. Mindful sharing is also key. The benefit of two sensitives together is the boosted compassion all around. They also both likely have an understanding that boundaries or time apart is healthy, and not a dig or sign of trouble. If one partner is drained and the other isn’t at any particular time, the high energy one can do what needs to be done (or say what needs to be said, including validating the other’s needs).
Every person and relationship is unique. Even very similar empaths or non-empaths may need or want something different in a romantic partner. But some partner traits that work well for empaths in relationships (for obvious reasons) include thoughtfulness, compassion, good communication skills or willingness to talk through things, respect in general and also for healthy boundaries or time apart, and being able to take accountability.
On that note, HSPs often end up with narcissists or emotionally draining partners due to their pronounced empathy. This can turn into enabling or a trauma bond. Read my blogs here and here for more details about how to move forward in these situations. In general, look out for someone’s ability to hear you and compromise. In general, the best partner for an empath is usually a non-empath because they balance each other out which can stabilize a connection.
When empaths in relationships hit their limit, it may be too late. They have a higher than average tolerance for struggles or even abuse. So, once that threshold is met, they are done. Not in every instance, but most of the time. If trust or goodwill has fractured repeatedly, they may leave for good. You can read more about what happens when an empath leaves in this post. Attempts to repair the relationship are always worth it though, if true accountability is possible.
Part of the reality of being sensitive or kind in today’s world is energy highs and lows. And if you are human, empath or not, you have experienced these ebbs and flows. Have compassion for the empath in your life, as well as for yourself. Ride the waves as best you can. Carve out alone time or quiet time whenever possible to rejuvenate your energy reserves. Learn to block out some of the intensity of the world (or help your partner do so) while also being mindful of the points shared here. You can find a healthy balance and thrive.
Finally, enjoy sensitivity for the gift that it is. Empaths have an extra special capacity to offer love, connection, loyalty, and safety. In order to maintain that, most empaths need time to discharge what they have taken on, and replenish. Give them space when they need it, and do the same for yourself! For further guidance about thriving as a sensitive person, check out my ebook here.
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