Welcome to this blog about loving an empath! Kudos to you for looking into it. You are demonstrating a level of kindness and maturity, and – you guessed it, sensitivity. Which is exactly what empaths need for a healthy relationship, both a romantic relationship and all other kinds. You yourself may very well be an empath or HSP (highly sensitive person) too. And as an HSP myself, who is certified as a grief specialist, health coach, and end of life doula, and does this work primarily with empath clients, I deeply understand! As a side note, you can stay tuned or email me at erin@centeredone.com to find out when I release my ebook for HSPs on how to clear and protect your energy.
So, how is being in a relationship with an empath different than with someone less sensitive? Let’s explore the specific ways, and the unique challenges.
You probably already know what an empath is. If you’re not familiar with the term, however, empath refers to an estimated 1 to 20 percent of the population. “Highly sensitive person” (or HSP) is a similar category, and thought to be slightly more prevalent. Introvert, giver, natural helper, and kind soul are related, overlapping descriptions.
Empaths have extra attuned intuition, emotions, energy fields, and physical bodies. They become drained or overwhelmed by the outside world and can sometimes sense the emotions of others as well as unseen energies. They may have a hard time prioritizing their own needs, and over-give to others. There is also scientific evidence that sensitive souls may have more active mirror neurons than the average person. These are a type of brain cell that activates when we take a certain action, and ALSO when we observe someone else take that action. For detailed guidance on protecting empath energy and setting clear boundaries, read this blog here.
Following along from the unique characteristics of empaths is how they affect relationships. Below I am going over 8 ways, but the bottom line of how things are different is their higher than average sensitivity level. They feel and think more than others and value deeply connecting. This impacts the relationship in a number of ways. My opinion is that it is a positive thing. It’s an invitation for you to learn and go deeper as well, should you choose to accept.
Here now are 8 specific ways being in a relationship with an empath is different than with someone less sensitive. These tips apply to all kinds of connections too, but are most salient and helpful for sensitive people and for intimate relationships. Balancing your partner’s emotions and your own emotions is the foundation. Take the first step by educating yourself.
Empaths and highly sensitive people are sometimes referred to as human lie detectors! That’s because they can often sense if someone is being truthful or not. Having highly attuned intuition means more ability to suss these things out. Ergo, lying or hiding things affects them more deeply. They will likely feel hurt or confused by the disconnect between words and energy. It may also influence their level of trust or interest in continuing a relationship.
It’s normal to not share everything 24/7, and that’s healthy. However, loving an empath well includes taking care to be forthright about the things that matter. Share your feelings with tact and compassion, and everyone – empath or not – will benefit. An example of how to do this is saying something like: “When you did/said X, I felt X (hurt/angry/confused). I realize you probably didn’t mean to hurt me, but I was. What are your thoughts and how can we move forward?”
There’s a dichotomy for empaths that applies to many non-empaths too. It is this: craving connection yet fearing intimacy. Because empaths feel EVERYTHING, they may fear getting enmeshed with others. It’s more likely that they will experience their partner’s (or family member/friend’s) feelings, needs, moods, losses, joys, in addition to their own. That’s a lot.
Be gentle with your empath partner. Try to find the balance between give and take. Empaths naturally give so much. Generosity and setting boundaries help a relationship with an empath flourish. An example of how to do this is: don’t push if they seem tired, burnt out, or unwilling to share at that moment. Go slowly in the pace of the relationship, and take cues from them in terms of breaks or needing space.
Continuing on from the above point, empaths need their own physical space at times. Again, they are emotional sponges and may get sensory overload. Breaks, both physically and emotionally, really help. Their sensitive system needs some time to recalibrate and release what they took on from others.
This is especially true after arguments or intense circumstances, like loud environments or crowded places. Give them a minute to reconnect with their own feelings, and they will come back refreshed and available. Empathic people need to restore their emotional well-being and clear the feelings of others via alone time. A perhaps unexpected way to do this for a couple including one or more empaths is to have separate bathrooms! After a bad day or too much time with others, they can retreat there for a minute. A little room to breathe goes a long way. Their body language is often an indication that there’s been too much togetherness or emotional intensity. An example of how to do this is saying something like: I see that you are tired and could use a break, which I totally understand. We can finish the game/conversation/party, etc without you if you’d prefer to rest.
Don’t try to change an empath. This point is always true in relationships. People can feel when you don’t accept them for who they are. On one hand, people don’t really change. And if they do, it has to be their idea – something they want and are ready for. And on the other hand, sensing that someone wants you to change is not motivating. It’s the opposite. The question you should be asking instead is, why are you in this relationship if who they are doesn’t work for you?
Empaths have likely been told their whole life (or at least once) that they are too sensitive. It’s not something they can change. It is part of who they are, and gives them beautiful reservoirs of compassion. If you don’t like it, it may not be the right relationship. Other personality traits or quirks fall into the same bucket. Bring up anything that bothers you, but accept them for who they inherently are. An example of how to do this is saying something like: When X happened, I felt hurt/upset/confused. I understand your sensitivity {or insert other trait} isn’t the problem, but those words/actions bothered me because X.
Being sensitive means more disturbances, unfortunately. Again, feeling deeply like this is a gift too. In dynamics with other people, empaths pick up on more than usual. They can even sometimes sense emotions in another person that said other has not yet recognized (and may never acknowledge).
More triggers or emotions connect back to the above points about empaths often needing a bit more space. Be kind and supportive if they are upset, and let them have quiet time when needed. Sometimes talking is helpful, other times they prefer to be alone to process. An example of how to do this is: taking time to listen and observe how they are feeling and what they are saying. Be patient in talking through any misunderstandings or triggers.
Empaths’ kind hearts and mental health benefit from extra tender loving care. They feel a lot on a daily basis. Everyone gets short tempered or says not nice things at times. But try to respect their extra sensitivity whenever possible.
Careful and prudent communication, and no insults, goes a long way. An example of how to do this is: taking a break from the conversation or argument if you feel like you might say something you’ll regret. Express how much you care about or appreciate them.
Sensitive empaths tend to adore animals more than the average Joe. Their fur babies (or human babies) are family members, and often the most valued ones of all. Take an interest in their pets, and be kind. If their dog or cat doesn’t like you, it may not bode well for you in the relationship. A hard truth! Lol.
Animals offer unconditional love and acceptance, without the expectations and complexity that characterize human relationships. For this reason, many empaths have pets and are animal lovers or activists. As a side note, if you or someone you know has lost a pet, feel free to reach out to me (erin@centeredone.com) as I offer a specific support program to recover from fur baby-related grief. An example of how to do this is: taking the time to “get to know” their pet if they have one, being kind and gentle to their animals, and seeing their love of pets as a beautiful part of their empathy for all living creatures.
All of this sensitivity and emotional depth can get pretty serious, pretty quick! That’s why humor and laughs are essential. They balance out the intensity that can come when relating with an empath.
An example of how to do this is: Suggest a comedy show or funny movie, and crack some jokes if that’s your thing. Lighten the mood if things get heavy, or once you’ve worked through an issue. Your empath will be forever grateful.
A tale as old as time is the empath and the narcissist. It is not uncommon to find them together. Unfortunately, this pairing usually creates a union full of chaos and drama, or simply broken hearts. Perhaps more accurately, one broken heart – that of the empath. Narcissistic people do not feel empathy like the rest of us (or less of it). And when you are extra sensitive, this is all the more shocking.
Empaths tend to attract takers and narcissistic people, for two common reasons. One is family patterns you may have grown up around, which can imprint your psyche and relationship template. Read my blog here for more on these dynamics. The second, which is related, is unmet needs. As a sensitive soul, you may mistake a narcissist for simply a strong connection. Until you learn about setting boundaries, narcissists may feed on your kindness, compassion, and generosity. They are energy vampires and will trigger you, suck you dry, and even make you question your sanity. It is critical that you learn to recognize these patterns, trust your instincts if something feels off, and get help ASAP. This help is ideally professional, like a therapist, but trusted friends or family members can support you in getting away or setting boundaries as well. To read my full post about toxic empathy, read this blog here.
In the early dating phase, relating with an empath can feel intense quickly. They may express feelings or perceptions sooner or more deeply than you are used to. If you feel uncomfortable, it is more than OK to say something. Don’t hesitate to clarify if they have misunderstood you or misread the energy somehow. Communicate your needs, concerns, or preferences. Empathic people are usually able to receive and respect them. If not, you can reevaluate if or how you’d like to move forward. Sometimes having an empath and a non-empath in a couple creates perfect balance. Two empaths together can work too, but may be quite emotional!
If you’re lucky enough to know or be in a relationship with an empath or sensitive person, the rewards are many. The love and loyalty you receive are boundless. The depth of connection, safety, and being seen can be profoundly healing. On the flip side, an abusive relationship or one with a lot of negative energy or narcissistic personality disorder can be catastrophic. Unfortunately, empaths can be easy targets for toxic relationships and a narcissist’s needs.
Along with the gifts comes the requirement – or invitation – to take extra special care of your empath. Quicker triggers, more capacity to be hurt, and greater likelihood to withdraw come with the territory as well. Be sure to vocalize your appreciation, and hopefully they fully appreciate you in return. You deserve that too!
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