The human bond with animals is profound. Dogs, in particular, are “man’s best friend” and “God spelled backwards.” One of the reasons is that they offer unconditional love and acceptance, without the expectations and complexity that characterize human relationships. Their intense devotion and loyalty is unsurpassed. Those soulful eyes, tiny paws, adorable behaviors, and soft fur are some of their other irresistible attributes.
Animals are often brought into hospitals or addiction centers to help people heal. Their mere presence may lower blood pressure or calm rattled nerves. Even a moment of respite from stress by petting them can make all the difference.
Loss of a beloved pet can be just as – or even more – traumatic and distressing than losing a human. One of the reasons is a lack of understanding and myths like “it was just a cat” or “you can get a new puppy.” If you’ve lost a pet or want to support someone in your life who has, read on for guidance on what to say and how to cope. It is totally normal not to know the right thing to do.
As a side note, empaths and sensitive people tend to have an even stronger than average connection with fur babies. It’s very common for them to have pets and be animal lovers or activists. Read this blog here for more on grieving as an empath. Loss of their pet can be one of the hardest things to go through.
Here are a variety of comforting words to say when someone loses a pet and is having a difficult time. Simple phrases are often the best thing. The key is to offer presence, a listening ear, and an open heart. Be a faithful friend when death of a pet occurs. Advice, judgment, and rationalizations are a good idea to avoid. Most people just want to be heard, and allowed to feel their feelings. Feeling them is what allows them to eventually lighten up, fade away, or transform. And once they grieve, it’s easier to focus on the happy memories and good times.
For now, it’s also best to not mention getting a new pet. If and when that time comes, they can share that with you in their own way. You might consider condolence cards, a quick note, or a thoughtful gesture that resonates as well. When an animal companion goes over the rainbow bridge, be very gentle and kind to the grieving person. Support their mental health and grief process with the right words:
I’m here for you, and want to listen
I’m happy to simply sit with you
I’d love to hear about your beloved pet
What can I do to support you?
There’s no rush to “feel better” or “move on”
Tell me about your furry friend
I know your pet was your best friend and a beloved family member
What is your pet’s name?
Know the grieving process is totally normal, and different for everyone
I’m sure you are in emotional pain, and I understand
Would you like to share stories, memories, or a photo album with me?
You have so many beautiful memories
It sounds like you had such a special bond
What a wonderful gift he/she was!
How lucky he/she was to have such a loving family with you
One definition of grief is the natural reaction to change or loss of any kind. It’s also what occurs when there is a shift in a pattern of familiar behavior. Think about how often this happens in life! We are not taught to normalize it for ourselves and others. Grief still remains somewhat of a taboo subject. No wonder we may feel stuck, isolated, or broken.
Grief encompasses more than just death. While there are of course many different scenarios, there is some overlap in the experience of loss of a loved one, breakups, job loss, pet loss, and financial and medical changes. When it’s a human, that relationship may have been toxic for you, wonderful, or a combination. We are complicated, and so are our relationships. The grief is there, regardless. When it’s an animal, on the other hand, it tends to be more pure and less complex. This kind of heartbreak is unique.
Our emotions are certainly not linear, and we may cycle through all or some of the “classic” stages of grief at different times and in a different order. These may include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, none of the above, or others. It can be helpful to journal or exercise to support emotional flow and release of pent-up stress. Remember that grief can come out in a multitude of ways, including sadness, crying, anger, rage, anxiety, hopelessness, confusion, numbness, and paralysis. Emoting is part of being in a human body, and is always valid.
In my experience, having a guide through loss prevents us from getting stuck there. There is no shame, and in fact great power, in asking for help. Sometimes we need a grief counselor or other professional to support us through challenges like losing a cherished pet. They are an important part of the family.
If you or someone you know has lost a pet, please feel free to reach out to me (erin@centeredone.com). I’m certified in a specific support program to help people recover from fur baby-related grief. What is unique about this process (usually 6 meetings, online or in person) is that it gives you the ability to finally say goodbye to the pain, as well as any unmet hopes, dreams, or expectations. In addition to open sharing time with therapeutic support, there are small research-backed reading and writing assignments that truly help bring closure and relief. I am also happy to help you find a local pet loss support group. Sending a big hug!
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