Many more people are aware of the concept of love bombing these days. In the mental health and wellness landscape, it has become a hot topic of sorts. While some ideas are overemphasized or misunderstood, this boost in mental health education and advocacy is definitely a good thing.
On the flip side, it’s unfortunate that love bombing is so common. It is usually a sign of a toxic, abusive, or controlling relationship. Learning the signs and how to effectively respond can save you a whole lot of time and heartache. A love bomber is using manipulation tactics either consciously or unconsciously. In this blog we will explore a roundup of ways to respond to love bombing when you see it happening, either in your relationship or in friends and family.
Having a full understanding of what love bombing is will set the stage to identify it and respond. The red flags usually appear in the early stages of a relationship. Ideally, you are armed with the right knowledge before a relationship starts, or right at the beginning. That’s the purpose of this blog, to help you have awareness about the difference between love bombing and healthy relationships. Then you can recognize love bombing and respond accordingly. Maybe you’ve already experienced love bombing and are now trying to pick up the pieces. Good for you for seeking answers and healing.
Always trust your gut when interacting with others. If you start to feel uncomfortable or like something is off, listen. Your intuition is picking up on more than your logical mind.
Love bombing, also sometimes called the honeymoon or golden period, is when everything seems perfect at the beginning of a connection (or too good to be true). The love bomber mirrors everything the person desires, likes, or fears. They make them feel seen and accepted. The pace is usually lightning fast, and there may be constant communication or large displays of affection.
The controlling person flatters, pursues, validates, and adores. But the love is false, phony, and emotionally manipulative. It’s done to draw the person in and gain control. Many narcissists or abusers love bomb unconsciously, but that doesn’t make it any less damaging. Others do it consciously. It stems from this need for control that marks trauma bonds and unhealthy people. These people are usually very wounded themselves, but that is not your burden to bear. This love bombing stage can happen in friendship dynamics, work situations, and familial relationships as well as romantic situations.
You might be wondering why love bombing is dangerous. We all deserve love and attention, and it feels good to be wanted. But healthy love isn’t as intense or over the top. This may strike you as boring. The word “bombing” has a negative connotation for a reason. Too much of anything is not good.
Love bombing dynamics inevitably turn sour – because the behavior is not genuine. And then things might switch back and forth. This intermittent reinforcement, where positivity, admiration, or attention is mixed in with neglect, abuse, or put downs, is the most addictive and toxic relationship dynamic. The brain can become hooked into this abuse cycle due to the false hope that eventually the “love” will prevail and the early happy period will return for good.
Kind and sensitive people can be especially vulnerable to love bombing by a narcissist. Their high levels of empathy may excuse away warning signs or problematic behavior. Compassion for others is honorable, but not when it puts you in danger in any way, including emotionally. For more about what toxic empathy is, read this blog.
Two of the main reasons love bombing is dangerous are as follows.
When you feel seen, embraced, or adored, it may create a sense of emotional attachment. You might think how lucky you are or how rare this person or connection is. The attachment can develop into dependence. You appreciate the flattery or attention so much (and maybe you’ve never been pursued that way before) that you become dependent on it, which makes you feel addicted or desperate.
Because love bombing triggers emotions so strongly, it reduces your ability to see things clearly. If you were to take a step back and look at the situation logically, what is your assessment? Your perspective, or a friend’s, would likely be illuminating. We may be blinded by the “love” so much so that we don’t see warning signs or heed them. This can put people in unsafe or unhealthy positions where they are vulnerable to manipulations.
Here are some of the major signs of love bombing to look out for:
For more detail on love bombing vs. genuine interest, read this blog next.
Here are 3 initial ways to deal with love bombing. Respond as quickly as you can once you notice it.
One great first step is to simply take a step back from the relationship. The person’s reaction will be telling. Is healthy space given to you? Do you feel safe to take a break or express your feelings with this person? Do they guilt you or blame you? If they do, that’s a big red flag. Step back anyway, for your mental health and safety sake. Once you have some time to reflect, move on to steps 2 and/or 3.
Tell a trusted person what you are going through. Sharing your feelings with someone safe will lighten the burden you feel. They can also help you see that being treated poorly or with love bombing type behavior is not healthy. Hopefully they can support you throughout, which is often what gives people the strength to break free or set boundaries.
Love bombing usually indicates that a serious, unhealthy dynamic is at play. Therefore, professional help may be warranted. In addition to guiding you through how to leave, a mental health professional will be there to sort out the aftermath and any potential post-traumatic stress reactions (PTSD). They can also accompany you in the actual departure, especially if violence or lashing out is a possibility.
Congratulations on educating yourself about unhealthy relationship dynamics. Get out of a dynamic with a love bomber as soon as possible. You are saving yourself much more heartache and potential devastation later.
There are genuine people out there who will not manipulate you. It may feel hopeless or challenging at times, but you owe it to yourself to demand better. This is also about your health, both physical and mental. Narcissists, love bombers, and controlling people are unsafe. Heal, so you can enjoy healthier relationships.
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