Everyone has inner child energy. If you’re sensitive or an empath, you may have an awareness or connection around this. Or the concept may sound odd to you, or even like nonsense. You expect me to believe there’s a child within me, you might ask? Understandable! But as with much in the realms of psychology, spirituality, and healing, it is symbolic or energetic.
You might relate better to the idea that we all start out as babies and children, and those versions of us don’t really go away. Sure, we grow up and become adults and live life. But those tender, young parts of us are still present (albeit hidden). And because we are so vulnerable and still forming into a human at those ages, circumstances affect us in far greater ways than they do later. They create an imprint of sorts within us.
It’s been said, from a neuroscience perspective, that the brain is in theta wave mode (similar to hypnosis) until around age 8, meaning that our subconscious mind is running the show. This is important because the subconscious has no filter and lacks the more sophisticated understanding and interpretive lens of the mature mind. It takes everything literally, with self as the focus. Experiences and our reactions to them solidify into the belief systems and perceptions of reality that we take with us through life.
So, inner child work is therefore about recognizing how early experiences may be influencing your thoughts, emotions, relationships, and behaviors in life as an adult. This is usually a gradual, ongoing process, not something that happens overnight. Everyone moves at their own pace, and should. I believe inner child healing is perhaps the most consequential piece of healing there is. Through many years of my own healing journey, plus studies and supporting clients in trauma and grief recovery, I have come to see it as core. I hope the strategies and ideas in this post help guide you, but remember to always seek out a licensed mental health professional if you are navigating significant trauma or distress.
The pillars of inner child healing include acknowledging unmet needs, building self-compassion, and developing healthier ways to respond to difficult emotions. Healing looks different for everyone, and results vary according to many factors.
The inner child symbolizes the younger parts of ourselves that still carry memories, needs, emotional reactions, and patterns. It is a metaphorical concept rather than a literal part of the personality. But delving into it can really help you make sense of your emotional patterns, relationships, and life as an adult in general.
Because childhood experiences can continue to influence beliefs, behaviors, relationships, and emotional responses into adulthood, it is worth a look at the cause. While some people experience very little or no major trauma, many deal with multiple struggles or early imprints that leave undesirable patterns or beliefs. These may include abuse, loss, chaos, or neglect. And even small events can sometimes feel traumatic to the young self (or register in the brain that way). For more on signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults, read this blog here.
Healing means starting to address and give love to these parts of ourselves the way we needed back then. Until we do this, we tend to re-enact the same unhealthy or painful dynamics that were done to or around us. This is called repetition compulsion in psychology. We also treat ourselves, aka our inner child, the way we were treated as a child. That is, until a healing shift occurs.
As I’ve touched upon, everyone has childhood experiences that shape who they become. These experiences vary greatly of course, some being wonderful, some being terrible, and many in between. But the inner child is the main part of us that gets affected. When you are hurt, the effects may be lasting. Thus, learning to heal your inner child can help you move forward without carrying so much pain in your metaphorical backpack. An unhealed inner child can wreak havoc on your adult life, and you may not realize it’s happening.
Here are two approachable ways you can start to acknowledge your inner child and connect with this inner, younger you. Then we will talk about more direct healing methods.
Let’s start with something simple. It’s easy to underestimate how profound deep breathing and breathing exercises can be. The key for relaxation and healing is usually making the out-breath longer than the in-breath. This engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for “rest and digest.” Any nerves or fight or flight energy should dissipate as you take some time to breathe slowly in and out. Then, optionally, you can start to notice what is present in your heart space.
You can establish a routine or location to check in with your inner child, if that resonates. It can be a literal location (like in your bedroom or outside by a lake), time of day you do it, or symbolic, like a frequency or feeling you tune into. Close your eyes and relax. What is coming through from the child inside, or what do you notice? Allow any thoughts, feelings, perceptions to be there. Observe them with love and acceptance. Spending time being with your inner child may help you start to feel more emotionally secure overall.
Below is a 6-step framework that you can begin applying. Remember that healing is an ongoing process! Be patient with yourself.
Writing letters to your younger self can be extremely therapeutic. Share your feelings, including regrets, fears, reassurances, or anything you like. Talk to your inner child if that feels right. Tell him or her that you are here now, listening. Ask what they need from you so he or she feels safe.
Life, and especially trauma, causes inner wounding. Oftentimes all we need to do to feel better is allow these feelings to be there. Let them come up and out. We tend to resist this out of fear that the emotions will overwhelm us or never go away. The opposite is true; they go away or lighten up once they are allowed to flow. Be very kind to yourself throughout.
You might like to start a journaling practice. It doesn’t have to be every day, but getting into a routine helps. One version of this is “the morning pages,” popularized by Julia Cameron. Just let your pen or keyboard flow with what you are feeling and thinking in the present moment. Don’t judge any of it. It may bring a sense of relief, even if you are not engaging directly with your inner child.
If it feels comfortable, recalling childhood experiences in a gentle way can be powerful. You can meditate or journal while doing so. What events or situations may have shaped how you see yourself, or how you care for yourself (or don’t)? What could you revise into a healthier or more self-loving perspective? Happy memories may also come up, which is a nice balance.
Yes, literally! Wrap your arms around yourself. You can also try the butterfly hug or Havening, which are unique hug variations. They all help you self-soothe, which has measurable effects on the nervous system. And they should hopefully contribute to a growing sense of affection and compassion for yourself. Guilt and shame are very common to feel if you have a trauma history, even though none of it was your fault. Working with your inner child should help alleviate that, in addition to starting to set healthy boundaries. Read this blog for detailed guidance on that.
What did you love to do as a child? Do that now. Let yourself draw, paint, color, jump, play games, have an ice cream cone – whatever calls you. Children usually have (or start out with) a spark of joy and the ability to truly live the moment. Get in touch with how you might bring that energy into the current time. Enjoying yourself and laughing is highly underrated.
I hope these methods sound doable or appealing to you, even if just a little bit. In conclusion, I would like to remind you that a trained professional is sometimes really worth it. You might look into someone certified in EMDR or another trauma therapy, or you can email me at erin@centeredone.com. Effective healing is usually multipronged, meaning you address it from a few different angles. And guidance from an expert can help you get un-stuck and moving forward. Congratulations on your courage to do the work!
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