Trauma can be defined as an event that causes extreme emotional pain or massive stress. It overwhelms the individual’s capacity to cope or process what occurred. Common responses include fear, helplessness, confusion, dissociation or detachment, rage, shame, and depression.
Most people experience trauma at some point in life. While no one would consciously choose it, there can be gifts and lessons during the healing journey. But that does not mean it is fair or necessary. A red flag in many spiritual communities is the emphasis on past lives or karma as the alleged “cause” of trauma. While this concept may or may not be true in a cosmic sense, it is certainly not ethical to convey to trauma survivors. For more on this topic, read my blog here.
Some people are exposed to repetitive, intense trauma while others seem to only experience minor upsets. The impact of trauma is almost always lasting and therefore, responses can be too. These responses are not conscious choices but survival mechanisms designed to protect a person from perceived danger. They may appear long after a traumatic event has ended and can influence relationships, work, emotions, and daily decision-making. Examples of traumatic experiences include abuse, loss, neglect, violence, and catastrophe of any kind. There is sometimes a life threatening component, such as in war or accidents, and sometimes it is more emotional and psychological in nature.
Understanding trauma responses can help you recognize patterns in yourself and friends or family that may have previously felt confusing or difficult to explain. That’s why today’s post is dedicated to covering what a trauma response is and how you can effectively deal with it.
Trauma responses are often misunderstood. They may be misinterpreted as personality traits, weaknesses, or intentional behaviors, when they are nothing of the sort. They really are automatic or unconscious survival adaptations stemming from past struggles. Trauma affects mental health, emotional regulation, relationships, communication, self-esteem, boundaries, stress management, and literally everything over the long term (as you can see). If these effects persist or are strong, they may indicate post traumatic stress disorder.
To learn about signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults, read this blog here.
The “original” big 4 are: fight flight freeze and fawn. And many people say or have heard the even more boiled down version: fight or flight response. This phrase is often used to denote the constellation of trauma-related reactions. In recent years, research and practice have identified some additional categories of trauma responses as well. Here are all of them:
The inclination to fight a threat, either literally or figuratively. This response is aggressive or confronting, with words, actions, or vibes. It might take the form of defensiveness, anger, critical or cruel attitude, or too-strong boundaries and walls.
Flight is the opposite end of the spectrum to fight. This response is the urge to run, flee, or escape. Leaving or avoidance is king here. It can be physically departing a scenario, relationship, or meeting; or it can be emotionally pulling away, distracting with work, busyness, or behaviors like perfectionism.
When you freeze, you become paralyzed or stuck. Feeling unsafe may translate into being unable to move (mentally or physically). The body and mind pause, in the same way that animals in the wild do at times. It can take the shape of spacing out, being “flighty,” brain fog, or dissociation.
Fawning is people pleasing behavior. This means threats or stress lead you to placate others and put their needs, demands, or feelings above your own. You are (consciously or unconsciously) trying to prevent further abuse or drama by “pleasing.” Read my blog here for more details.
This is one of the newer classifications, whereby the person says, you guessed it, they are fine. Or they act fine when they are not. It’s a facade of normalcy or denial. Minimizing trauma to cope or appear a certain way is very common, as I’m sure you know.
In rare cases, fainting is the trauma response. The body and brain shut down in order to protect themselves. This may also manifest as numbness or extreme detachment.
Trauma of any kind can cause a trauma response, hence the name. When the brain’s survival pathways are activated (the amygdala and HPA axis), they flood the body with stress hormones. The nervous system can get stuck here, in a state of high alert, which triggers any of the six trauma responses along with heightened awareness or sensitivity.
To explore 10 signs of trauma bonding, read this blog here.
The best way to know your own response is to utilize mindfulness. Tune in intuitively, and also observe yourself with a compassionate lens. Breathwork, meditation, journaling, and therapy all can help you hone your mindfulness muscle. In other words, your ability to witness yourself or take a step back. Also consider the following:
Definitely. Most people do not fit neatly into one category. Complex or repetitive trauma, especially, can create overlapping patterns and different responses that come up at different times.
The length of a trauma response is highly variable and individual. They can range from a few minutes to a few (or more) years. However, there are two generally understood types when it comes to length:
Acute responses are the shorter variety, usually associated with shock, anxiety, or numbness that can last up to one month. They tend to subside as the brain processes the traumatic event.
Chronic means lasting longer than a month. These responses may turn into PTSD if not treated or if they are interfering with relationships, work, daily functioning, or sleep. Complex trauma, where it is prolonged or repeated, is more likely to cause a chronic response.
Here are the top 7 best ways to deal with trauma responses and trauma recovery in general.
Trauma-related therapy is excellent for starting to break the cycle. Cognitive behavioral therapy CBT is a method used here that helps you notice and replace your negative or fear-based thoughts and perceptions. One devastating side effect of trauma can be the way it warps your ability to expect good things or assign positive intent to other people’s actions.
EMDR or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing is a modality for trauma healing that may be used in therapy too. It involves bilateral stimulation while sharing with the therapist about traumatic experiences. The most common type of bilateral stimulation is side-to-side eye movements. It is thought to help the brain process the trauma so it doesn’t affect you as much anymore.
Somatic means body based. These are some of the most effective therapies in my view, because the body is inextricably linked to trauma. When shocking, terrifying, or emotionally overwhelming events occur, we are often not equipped to process their enormity. The associated emotions and reactions can be suppressed and go latent. But they don’t just go away. They are stored in the body, and may come up at unexpected times. Your physical health and mental health are intertwined through the mind body connection.
Read my blogs on somatic exercises for anxiety here and trauma release exercises here to get started.
In moments of trauma residue like panic, anger, or grief, regulating your nervous system can be profound. Examples include box breathing (in 4, hold 4, out 4) or 4-7-8 breath, and grounding. To ground, imagine a cord going down from your root into the center of the earth. Breathe into it, and sit or lie down while taking deep breaths. If possible, walking barefoot or sitting on grass is ideal.
Deep breathing helps you calm down by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for “rest and digest”). Trauma hijacks the system into the past, but you can re-center through these techniques.
Mindfulness teaches the concept of witnessing or observing, rather than reacting. Breathe into your emotional responses, and allow them to be there (along with any thought forms). They usually subside much quicker than we expect when we invite them in and hold space, even for a few moments.
Read my blog here on mindfulness meditation for intrusive thoughts, which you can apply to all kinds of trauma responses.
Cultivating a sense of safety within yourself is key. This process starts with emotional awareness, which relates to mindfulness and many of the other tools I’ve given you in this post. Become aware of yourself, meaning your thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Take the time to tune in, observe, and be kind to yourself, the same way you would to a close friend or beloved pet. This builds safety over time.
Boundaries define where you end and someone else begins. They delineate what you or someone else will and won’t tolerate, as well as limits and standards in the relationship. Working on these is especially crucial if you relate to the fawn response or people pleasing. For detailed guidance on how to set healthy boundaries in all sorts of connections, read my blog here.
Ultimately, healthy relationships are the antidote to trauma and fear-based responses. Seeking out stable, kind, and patient people as your support system will go far. It can take some time and trial and error to find your people. In the meantime, therapy and other self-care practices such as the ones I’ve shared here can bridge the gap. I’m sending you a big hug!
© Copyright Centered One by Erin, LLC. All rights reserved.
Photos by:
