Everyone has an inner child. And if you’re sensitive or an empath, you may already have an awareness or even a connection with him or her. At first, this concept may sound odd or like woo woo nonsense. You expect me to believe there’s a child within me, you might ask? Understandable! But as with much in the realms of psychology, spirituality, and healing, this is symbolic or energetic.
You might relate better to the idea that we all start out as babies and children, and those versions of us don’t really go away. Sure, we grow up and become adults and live life. But those tender, young parts of us are still present (albeit hidden). And because we are so vulnerable and still forming into a human at those ages, circumstances affect us in far greater ways than they do later. They create an imprint of sorts within us.
It’s been said, from a neuroscience perspective, that the brain is in theta wave mode (similar to hypnosis) until around age 8, meaning that our subconscious mind is running the show. This is important because the subconscious has no filter and lacks the more sophisticated understanding and interpretive lens of the mature mind. It takes everything literally, with self as the focus. Experiences and our reactions to them solidify into the belief systems and perceptions of reality that we take with us through life.
One of the key pieces about the inner child is the link to trauma. Tragically, most of us have lived through some sort of early hardship, such as abuse, loss, chaos, or neglect. There are people who make it through childhood unscathed by trauma, but it’s less common. And even small events can feel traumatic to the young self (or register in the brain that way). For more on signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults, read this blog here.
The inner child is the main part of us that gets hurt by trauma, and the effects may be lasting. Therefore, learning to heal your inner child can help you move forward without carrying so much pain in your metaphorical backpack. An unhealed inner child can wreak havoc on your adult life, and you may not realize it’s happening. So, read on for a roundup of exercises to help you heal.
Let’s go over what it means to heal your inner child, and then 10 ways to begin to do so.
Healing your inner child means taking care of this younger part of you the way you needed back then. One could argue that this is the very essence of you; it makes sense why many people relate to him or her as located near the heart. Until we heal the inner child, we tend to reenact the same unhealthy or painful dynamics that were done to or around us. This is called repetition compulsion in psychology. We also treat ourselves, aka our inner child, the way we were treated as a child. That is, until a healing shift occurs.
Here’s a roundup of 10 exercises to get you started on an inner child healing journey. Pick what resonates most with you. You can try a bunch or focus on one for a period of time, then reassess. Inner child work is fantastic for your mental health and also contributes to personal growth.
Let’s start with something super simple. It’s easy to underestimate how profound deep breathing and breathing exercises can be. The key for relaxation and healing is usually making the out-breath longer than the in-breath. This engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for “rest and digest.” Any fight or flight energy should dissipate as you take some time to breathe slowly in and out.
Writing letters to your younger self can be extremely therapeutic. Share your feelings, including regrets, fears, reassurances, or anything you like. Talk to your inner child if that feels right. Tell him or her that you are here now, listening. Ask what they need from you to feel safe.
Acknowledge your inner child and make this child version of you feel seen and heard. You can do this through simple reassurance. Spending time connecting with your inner child may help you start to feel more emotionally secure overall.
This space can be a literal location (like in your bedroom or outside by a lake), or symbolic, like a frequency or feeling you tune into. Close your eyes and relax. What is coming through from the child inside, or what do you notice?
Childhood trauma, and even just regular life, causes inner wounding. Oftentimes all we need to do to feel better is allow these feelings to be there. Let them come up and out. We tend to resist this out of fear that the emotions will overwhelm us or never go away. The opposite is true; they go away or lighten up once they are allowed to flow. Be very kind to yourself throughout.
You might like to start a journaling practice. It doesn’t have to be every day, but getting into a routine helps. One version of this is “the morning pages,” popularized by Julia Cameron. Just let your pen or keyboard flow with what you are feeling and thinking in the present moment. Don’t judge any of it. It may bring a sense of relief, even if you are not engaging directly with your inner child.
If it feels comfortable, recalling childhood experiences in a gentle way can be powerful. You can meditate or journal while doing so. What events or situations may have shaped how you see yourself, or how you care for yourself (or don’t)? What could you revise into a healthier or more self-loving perspective? Happy memories may also come up, which is a nice balance.
Yes, literally! Wrap your arms around yourself. You can also try the butterfly hug or Havening, which are unique hug variations. They all help you self-soothe, which has measurable effects on the nervous system. And they should hopefully contribute to a growing sense of affection and compassion for yourself.
What did you love to do as a child? Do that now. Let yourself draw, paint, color, jump, play games, have an ice cream cone – whatever calls you. Children usually have (or start out with) a spark of joy and the ability to truly live the moment. Get in touch with how you might bring that energy into current time.
Sometimes a trained professional is really worth it. You might look into someone certified in EMDR or another trauma therapy. Effective trauma healing is usually multipronged, meaning you address it from a few different angles. And guidance from an expert can help you get un-stuck and moving forward. Congratulations on your courage to do the work!
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Photos by:
Robert Collins on Unsplash
Anthony Tran on Unsplash
