Grief Recovery Specialist, Writer + Blogger
One common hurdle for empaths and sensitive souls is finding balance. What, you might ask, is balance exactly? Natural givers and kind people often give more than they take, to their detriment. And many don’t even know they are doing this, or they know it but can’t seem to release the pattern. Finding balance with giving, and in all ways, is key to thriving as an empath. Read on to learn how.
You probably know what an empath is if you’re reading this. But to review, it refers to a small percentage of the population (estimated between 1 and 20 percent) who are particularly sensitive. “Highly sensitive person” (or HSP) is a similar category, and thought to be slightly more prevalent. Empaths have extra attuned intuition, emotions, energy fields, and physical bodies. They become drained or overwhelmed easily and can sometimes sense the emotions of others as well as unseen energies.
Another hallmark of being empathic is your kind heart. You truly care about people. You may over-give, to the point of it being toxic. Giving too much can turn into codependency, which means taking care of others for the conscious or unconscious purpose of gaining love or approval. Many of us grew up in families where this dynamic was modeled and didn’t know any different.
Here are 4 ways to balance out your giving nature with healthy boundaries so you can thrive.
The goal is to be able to say no, without guilt. Empaths tend to have tremendous anxiety about helping others and always saying yes. They feel like saying no is not an option, or fear that rejection will be the result. They may also assume that other people’s burdens need to be transferred to them. Not so! Ask yourself why you feel this way.
As the adage goes, “no” is a complete sentence. Feeling a need to explain yourself or give a lot of excuses suggests codependency. Just breathe through it and say no anyway (if that’s what you feel is best). Having boundaries like this often brings up a reaction in the other person. That’s to be expected, but you need to learn to value yourself enough to do it anyway.
The irony of this tip in our narcissistic culture! Most people, sadly, are too self-focused. But empaths are the opposite. There’s a constant need to monitor how others are doing, and track their reactions. As a side note, this is a common trauma symptom (and many empaths are trauma survivors). Abuse, neglect, or stress, especially in childhood, can lead to focusing on others too much. This compulsive behavior usually happens to try to get needs met or avoid further pain.
The key is to start to shift the focus away from others and towards self. How are YOU feeling? How do you see YOURSELF? This is the foundation for how others see you and for your relationships. Another reason to do this is that overly focusing on others can start to adversely affect both your mental health and physical health. If you feel guilty moving the focus from someone else back to you, remind yourself that your health (all kinds) may depend on it.
Reciprocal relationship dynamics are healthy. Do you give about as often as you receive? Or is someone always asking you for favors or guilting you into doing or saying things that don’t feel right?
Empaths and givers often attract takers or narcissistic people until they learn to value themselves and their own needs. Paradoxically, and especially if you are empathic, pulling back gives relationships space to grow. It brings the dynamic into balance. Balance leads to respect. It also decreases the chances of feeling drained and resentful as a result of not getting much back.
Finally, what are you taking in every day? This encompasses not only food and drink, but social media (and who you follow or view), people in your life, media like TV shows or the news, and more.
Social media is a big one in our digital age. There are positives, yet the downside can be devastating. What you see online is often not the truth or full picture. The pressure to be perfect or curate the appearance of happiness all the time is not healthy. This can foster shame, comparison, and depression. Consider taking a break, or limit the time you spend scrolling.
Empaths may use substances like food, coffee, alcohol, or drugs to cope with the world. A few overall suggestions are to not go over 2 cups of coffee/caffeine and 2 alcoholic drinks, as well as minimizing foods high in sugar and fat. This may not always be possible, but reflect on how these items affect you.
Thriving as an empath is indeed possible. Being sensitive in an insensitive world has its challenges, no doubt. But you owe it to yourself to take the necessary steps to balance out your life and relationships. If you would like support on your unique journey, feel free to contact me at erin@centeredone.com.
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Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash
