Self-worth and self-esteem are terms that may seem murky or confusing. They can be interchangeable or used as synonyms, but have slightly different meanings. We will get into all of that in this post. But overall, they influence the way people see themselves, handle challenges, and approach relationships, goals, and everyday decisions.
Although not talked about enough in my opinion, lots of people struggle with self-doubt or feeling disconnected from their own value. This stems from upbringing and life experiences, especially trauma and family dynamics (and some might say genetics as well). More on all of these factors below.
However, building a healthier relationship with yourself is something you can do at any time. It’s never too late, and it is always worth it. YOU are worth it. So today I’m sharing a practical guide on how to begin to boost your confidence, practice self-forgiveness, and create habits that support a stronger sense of self.
Building self-worth and self-esteem is a process that usually involves a combination of changing self-perception, treating yourself with compassion, and creating healthier habits. Improvements take time, but there can also be massive shifts quickly. As with any healing work or personal development, individual results vary.
Self-worth is the bedrock of a healthy sense of self. Ideally, it is an unconditional positive regard for oneself. In other words, knowing you are a valuable human being, good enough, and deserving of love and respect. Sounds simple, right? Unfortunately it’s not, and many people lack this basic foundation for various reasons. The truth is that until parental/caregiver messaging and dynamics with children and young people are fixed, dysfunctional or harmful patterns continue. To learn more about generational trauma and how to heal it, read this blog here.
Self-esteem and confidence are related but slightly different than self-worth; they are more about conditional achievements and fluctuating feelings related to skills, accomplishments, or mistakes. Read this blog next if you need support around how to forgive yourself for past mistakes. Healthy self-worth, on the other hand, comes from internal values rather than external approval or life events.
Self-worth is shaped by many factors, including:
What is self-talk, you ask? Read my blog here for an education on how to make it work for you rather than against you. But for now, consider how you speak to and about yourself. Much of the internal dialogue that runs through our mind is on autopilot, meaning it’s just a repeat of what you have said to yourself before, either consciously or unconsciously. Despite all the other factors I just noted, most of which you cannot change, you have control over your self-talk.
Our thoughts are usually more automatic than we realize. And perhaps the greatest battle you will ever wage is the one within your own mind. One of the trickiest aspects of this is that self-talk often originates from past trauma, mistreatment, or difficulties in your family of origin (whose effects you may not even be aware of). Check out my blog here for more on family dynamics and their effects on self-worth and mental health.
Spend time cultivating a greater sense of self-worth by considering the following four steps. Working on this, or having high self-esteem, doesn’t translate to feeling good all the time. In fact, caring for yourself often involves messy, uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or experiences. That’s the path of growth and transformation.
Everyone has inner child energy. This is the internal, tender part of yourself. Because childhood experiences can continue to influence beliefs, behaviors, relationships, and emotional responses into adulthood, it is worth a look at the cause. And this cause is one of the biggest factors when it comes to self-worth.
If you’re sensitive or an empath, you may have an awareness about your inner child. Or the concept may sound odd to you. You expect me to believe there’s a child within me, you might ask? Understandable! But as with much in the realms of psychology, spirituality, and healing, it is symbolic or energetic. Check out my blog here for more detail around connecting with your inner child. But for now, be open to it. If you feel comfortable, set aside some time to breathe into or with this younger you. You can simply see what’s there, or you can meditate, journal, make art, or write a letter.
The next (optional) step is to reflect on big moments or experiences you’ve had. How did they affect you? What were your takeaways, in retrospect? Sometimes we don’t realize we’ve taken on someone else’s beliefs or struggles, or that we ourselves have been impacted at a core level. Did your sense of self or how you view yourself change (in either direction) afterward? Journal on this, or share with a trusted friend or therapist.
Take what you’ve discovered and see where you’re at. What would you like to shift or improve in terms of your mental health and self-worth? It may sound too simple, but one of the most impactful things you can do is address your self-talk, as I mentioned above. Now that you have more awareness around what you are saying to yourself, believing, or perceiving, you can start to challenge unhelpful messages.
You deserve to regard yourself highly. You are the star of the show called life! Our society tends to go too far to one extreme or another in this realm. What I mean is that it’s either: humble yourself, don’t get too cocky, focus on the greater good/a higher cause; OR, the arrogance and egocentric nature of social media culture, “boss babe” or new age philosophies, and growing narcissism. A healthy balance is the answer. You can start by checking out my blog here.
Next, we look to the future. What habits or goals can you implement to support your new and improved sense of self-worth? In terms of habits, you might work on developing a healthy routine. Ponder basics like sleep and wake times, if you’re eating healthy meals with enough protein, exercise, fun, and who you are surrounding yourself with on a daily and weekly basis. Another great tip to consider is starting a gratitude journal. Read my blog here for guidance on that.
Also think about what longer term goals feel authentic. Don’t put pressure on yourself to accomplish things that don’t resonate. But a few key objectives will help you move forward. They can be external, like advancing in your career or increasing your salary to a fair rate; or internal, like speaking more kindly to yourself or saying no when you are tired.
Congratulations on investigating how to better value and care for yourself! It’s my view that every single person would benefit from this, and in turn our world would heal, as the ripple effect of kindness grows.
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