I’ve taken the better part of the last month off from social media. To say it’s been transformative would be an understatement. More and more people are talking lately about social media breaks and even leaving altogether. While social media no doubt affects self-worth and other aspects of mental health, it’s not the only culprit. The effects of social media vary from person to person, but there are some common threads and considerations. Let’s get into it!
Some of the mechanisms through which social media can affect self-worth are: social comparison, validation seeking, unrealistic expectations, and repeated exposure to curated, filtered content. The impact depends on factors such as personality, mental health status, past history, and amount of time spent on social media platforms.
Self-worth is the bedrock of a healthy sense of self. Ideally, it is an unconditional positive regard for oneself. In other words, knowing you are a valuable human being, good enough, and deserving of love and respect. Sounds simple, right? Unfortunately it’s not, and many people lack this basic foundation due to trauma, upbringing, or other factors. The truth is that until parental/caregiver messaging and dynamics with children and young people are fixed, dysfunctional or harmful patterns continue. To learn more about generational trauma and how to heal it, read this blog here.
Self-esteem and confidence are related but slightly different than self-worth; they are more about conditional achievements and fluctuating feelings related to skills, accomplishments, or mistakes. Read this blog next if you need support around how to forgive yourself for past mistakes. Healthy self-worth, on the other hand, comes from internal values rather than external approval.
Self-worth is shaped by many factors, including:
What is self talk, you ask? Read my blog here for an education on how to make it work for you rather than against you. But for now, consider how you speak to and about yourself. Much of the internal dialogue that runs through our mind is on autopilot, meaning it’s just a repeat of what you have said to yourself before, either consciously or unconsciously.
Our thoughts are usually more automatic than we realize. And perhaps the greatest battle you will ever wage is the one within your own mind. One of the trickiest aspects of this is that self-talk often originates from past trauma, mistreatment, or difficulties in your family of origin (whose effects you may not even be aware of). Check out my blog here for more on family dynamics and their effects on self-worth and mental health.
Social media alone does not cause self-worth problems, although there have been cases where this is argued (either in court or shared by individuals on social media apps). But it has become so pervasive that the impact of social media is staggering. The addictive nature as well as constant access to information and data about other people and the world compounds the effect.
The dysfunctional part is that we see a glossy veneer, not the full picture. Hence the photo trend of “Instagram vs reality:” they are two different things. And exposure to filtered or biased images and perspectives can contribute to low self-worth when there isn’t a solid foundation beforehand. This content invites social comparison, often without us realizing it. It can also foster unrealistic body image standards and subsequent eating disorders, particularly among young people.
Here are some signs that social media may be affecting your self-worth. Reflect on how you could engage in a healthier way, or detox from social media for a period of time and see how you feel.
The impact of social media can be both positive and negative, depending on the person and situation. Psychologically, here are 3 ways social media affects self-worth.
Ah, the proverbial highlight reel. We view other people’s posts and reels, which are largely the positive moments of life only, and feel like we are behind or somehow not good enough because we didn’t travel like them or have a similar big life event (or lose the weight or fit into the dress, etc etc). The term “digital looking-glass self” has been coined to describe this phenomenon of identity and self-worth being related to how we perceive others perceiving us and how we compare.
These can be in the realm of beauty, success, relationships, body, finances, or anything really. As we know, seeing airbrushed, filtered, or edited images and videos drives a skewed standard. It’s not real! Even knowing this, it’s human nature to feel less than or compare yourself and fall short. This can breed body (and other types of) dissatisfaction, poor mental health, and even self-hatred.
It’s pretty well-understood at this point that social media apps use a model of variable reinforcement, similar to slot machines. They purposely make engagement unpredictable, and thus addictive. When a post or share goes viral or gets a lot of comments, feel-good dopamine surges in the brain. This creates a dependency on external approval and increases validation seeking. Unpopular posts or low engagement can then induce a crash, feel devastating, or diminish self-worth.
Although social media has afforded us massive new opportunities, connections, and information sharing, it has also arguably increased levels of anxiety and depression, narcissism, and lack of focus / decreased attention spans. Real life engagement, and activities like reading books, do the opposite. Here are some other ways to boost your self-worth and overall wellness outside of social media.
Set limits on your social usage. Maybe you start by keeping it to a certain time frame, like 1 hour a day. Refrain from social use first thing upon waking and right before bed. You can also use a social blocker app or tracker to build discipline around checking. Let your brain rest and recalibrate by not using social media when waiting in line, eating, or commuting. Learn to, or more accurately, re-learn how to be in the present moment. You might even make a new friend because you have a few minutes to chat with a neighbor or the barista.
Switch up your entertainment and learning repertoire. Short form social content decreases attention span, and some data suggest it also decreases empathy. Engage with other types of media like books and movies. Explore hobbies or interests outside that you may now have time for!
As I touched on above, the main antidote to low self-worth is self-compassion and an encouraging internal dialogue. The first step is awareness, because much of our internal world is happening outside of awareness — until it’s not. Hence the quotation by famed psychoanalyst Carl Jung: Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. Read my blog here for more.
Finally, build real relationships. The irony of social media is that in theory, it was created to connect us. It does, but not in the way that truly fulfills. True connection involves vulnerability, authenticity, in person time together, and commitment. It takes courage. The investment leads to not only higher quality offline relationships, but an increase in self-worth. These are two of the most profound indicators of health and happiness. You will not regret spending some time and effort to find the right balance of social media and IRL activities. Good luck and thank you for your thoughtfulness in joining me today!
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